ADHD Temper Tantrums

I believe that one of the most difficult things for parents of ADHD children to learn is to deal with temper tantrums and to to take the things that these kids say to you, no matter how hurtful, with a huge pound of salt.  


Children with Inattentive ADHD often have a considerable amount of anxiety and/or depression.  Children when they are sad, frustrated, or anxious will often have a temper tantrum because anger is an emotion that is more cathartic or more readily available to them.  These kids will often blurt out, in anger, the first thing that comes to their minds.

Temper tantrums can be a daily occurrence in the household of children with ADHD. Hyperactive/Impulsive children are often more prone to Impulsive negative thoughts and oppositional symptoms but children with Inattentive ADHD can also ‘melt down’ in fits of, full blown frustration, anger and despair.

It can be very disruptive to a household when you have a child who is prone to saying things that are really dark, really angry, and really vengeful. Many ADHD children cannot control those 'home wrecker' thoughts and the tantrums are mostly out of their control as well. These children often feel so out of control and frustrated that they find it impossible to shake off a constant irritability that they live with.

It is almost like they have this terrible thing that is stuck to their brain, a crown of thorns, filled with negative thoughts, sadness, anger, and despair. They blurt out that they hate you, that you are the worst parent in the world, and that they wish that you were dead, when what they really mean to say is:

"Mommy, the pain in my head is unbearable. I am so sad, so frustrated, and so angry that I cannot control the things that I say. I am trying my best, Mommy, so how can this possibly be my fault? Please help me Mommy, I am a child and children should not have to bear a brain that is so out of control and so difficult."

ADHD medication can often control much of the irritability and impulsiveness that causes these negative thought but there is a parenting tool that is perhaps more important. We must, as parents, learn to hear the words in italics above instead of the words that the ADHD child is screaming when they are in the midst of a tantrum.

This skill takes practice and patience but I believe that if a parent can master it, they may well be giving their child an ADHD treatment that is more effective and more valuable than money can buy.